I feel like I have six hundred and thirty six things to get done today. Normally, it doesn't bother me, but this particular weekend, working my second job is not meshing with me as a teacher. I don't want to work. I want to cuddle on the couch and watch movies. I want to take endless walks in the crisp air. I want to do absolutely nothing for a day.
It's not that I have to work. It's a choice, so in that way, I have no right to complain, but I feel tired, and so complain I will. But let's get to the root of the problem. I'm not tired because I waitress two days a week. I'm tired because of my "real job".
Honest point number one: I am much more content and much less frustrated now than I was at the beginning of the year.
Honest point number two: This is not really because anything is better. It's more because I am more capable of handling my frustration, better equipped to smile and nod at the people who need to be smiled and nodded at, and less focused on responding to each word or suggestion I receive.
Honest point number three: I am still not really that happy. Until this year, teaching has filled me with a joy that I didn't really know how to express. Somewhere this year, between the clashing directives, the push for numbers only, the lack of discipline, the missing support system, and the craziness of it all, something has come up missing. I've tried to find it, I have, but I don't think it will come back to me at this school.
Honest point number four: Now I have to make the hard decisions. Do I stay for another year in an environment that does not make me happy because I think it is probably better for me professionally, or do I make a break and leap into the unknown? I'm looking at making some big moves financially, so I need to have job security-- do I sacrifice, or trust?
I'm unsure. I'm struggling. I'll figure it out, eventually.
Time to work on the lesson plans.
Sunday, January 13, 2008
Thursday, January 10, 2008
I just yelled at my cat.
I know I shouldn't do that. She didn't mean to do anything wrong, it's just the counter looked so appealing, and I was there, and she wanted to be close to me and purr and shed fur all over my skirt, and she knew she could make the jump, so she did it. Now she's all skulking in the corner and refusing to come over even though I put on my nice owner voice and made smacking noises with my lips and snapped my fingers and promised to rub under her chin like she likes.
I want to make her understand. It's nothing personal, it's just that I had students, one particular, all day, who did things they weren't supposed to do because they were appealing, and I was there, and they just wanted my attention, and I held (most of) my calm all day and I didn't (really) raise my voice, and I came home and then...
I think I see why couples should avoid each other for the first hour after work or so.
My cat and I, we're kind of like a couple. Except she's a cat, and female, and I'm a human, and female. Any Heterosexual. I don't know about her sexuality, but I don't suppose it really matters...
As close as I'm gonna come for now, anyhow. *Sigh*
I want to make her understand. It's nothing personal, it's just that I had students, one particular, all day, who did things they weren't supposed to do because they were appealing, and I was there, and they just wanted my attention, and I held (most of) my calm all day and I didn't (really) raise my voice, and I came home and then...
I think I see why couples should avoid each other for the first hour after work or so.
My cat and I, we're kind of like a couple. Except she's a cat, and female, and I'm a human, and female. Any Heterosexual. I don't know about her sexuality, but I don't suppose it really matters...
As close as I'm gonna come for now, anyhow. *Sigh*
Monday, December 17, 2007
another journal entry
Where is one place you would not like to go?
I would not like to go to my aunt's house because she is so picky with her stuff she dose'nt like anyone but grownups in her front room and that's what I call picky.
I would not like to go to my aunt's house because she is so picky with her stuff she dose'nt like anyone but grownups in her front room and that's what I call picky.
What would you do if you were chast by a strang men.
"If I was chast by a strange men I would do what my mom told me to do if a men of any kind tries to snach me up she told me to first, scream to the top of my lungs. Next, run ase fast as I can. then if he get a whole of me to bite his hand take my two finger and poke him in the eye's kick him in the unneasasery plays and than run untile I get far away as possible from him."
Amen.
Amen.
Thursday, December 13, 2007
I almost forgot...
The last few weeks have been so hectic, and I was so busy breathing, that I almost forgot to believe. Being a year round school, we let out for Christmas break tomorrow (!!) and get a full three weeks plus one day off! (Hooray!)
I have never in my life felt like I needed a break so badly.
In honor of the believing part, however, I would like to make a list of successes (small as they may be).
1) My students can now work in groups. (not always quietly, not always effectively, but still...)
2) We can remember that and is spelled a-n-d, not i-n about 50% percent of the time.
3) We can restate prompts as topic sentences.
4) We rarely say shut up, and we apologize immediately when we do.
5) Usually, we save our curse words for outside the classroom door (although today there were at least five slip ups-- it was a bad day, but there WERE some pretty creative combinations of words)
6) We are getting better at remembering to raise our hands.
7) Most of us are improving at our multiplication tables.
Hooray for small victories.
In honor of laughter and all things cheery, I'd like to share a piece of contraband student writing. All spellings are (sic)
"My Friend ______________ she gave me a neckle I bought her a pickle. the pickle was sour. she gave me a flower. I hite her in the head with a peace of corn bread she was died."
Um, yeah.
I have never in my life felt like I needed a break so badly.
In honor of the believing part, however, I would like to make a list of successes (small as they may be).
1) My students can now work in groups. (not always quietly, not always effectively, but still...)
2) We can remember that and is spelled a-n-d, not i-n about 50% percent of the time.
3) We can restate prompts as topic sentences.
4) We rarely say shut up, and we apologize immediately when we do.
5) Usually, we save our curse words for outside the classroom door (although today there were at least five slip ups-- it was a bad day, but there WERE some pretty creative combinations of words)
6) We are getting better at remembering to raise our hands.
7) Most of us are improving at our multiplication tables.
Hooray for small victories.
In honor of laughter and all things cheery, I'd like to share a piece of contraband student writing. All spellings are (sic)
"My Friend ______________ she gave me a neckle I bought her a pickle. the pickle was sour. she gave me a flower. I hite her in the head with a peace of corn bread she was died."
Um, yeah.
Thursday, November 15, 2007
man, girls be messin everything up!
Ah, the sweet, sweet sound of abstinence class...
I don't mean to offend any of my more... conservative... readers. We already know I am, well, not, so we know we'll disagree. Let's get over it.
I find the whole idea of teaching students who are knee deep in the trenches of sex that abstinence is the only answer to be absurd. I wholeheartedly agree that my students should understand that implications of sex. I think they should know that the consequences of sex will obscure their dreams, stymie their ambitions, and obfuscate their hopes of being an NBA star, an MLB player, or Chris Brown's wife. I think they should know that syphilis, AIDS, and gonorrhea will make their lives a living hell. I think they should know what my infinitely wise doctor sister once said: "there are some really pretty boys with herpes...". I think they should understand what pregnancy really means. I think they should be educated about the social, emotional, and metal pressures and consequences of sex. I think they should know the meaning of the words penis, vagina, ejaculate, sex, condom, and orgasm and be able to say them all with a straight face. I think they should not have sex.
But they do.
And they will.
And I think it is our job as educators to EDUCATE.
Not only to educate about what we believe to be the best choice, or the morally correct choice, but to educate about all the choices. If we are saying (as we do every day) "you are old enough to do this" and "you are at the point where you need to start being responsible for your decisions", then we need to admit that
a) my 6th grade students are at the place in their lives where they have been, are, or will soon be faced with the pressure to have, discuss, and think about sex.
b) if we don't give them the information they need, they WILL get it from somewhere and someone else (and you probably don't want to know the details of that!)
I believe that it is our obligation to give our children the information they need to make informed and responsible decisions. It is important that we are honest with ourselves about the situations they face and the fact that they need to be able to make the best decision for the situation that they are in. If my students are going to have sex (and they probably will, within the next few years), then I want them to know that although it may not be the best choice they may ever make, that they can make it safely.
So...
Bring on our bodies ourselves.
Talk openly about your feelings and your needs.
Think about the implication of your decisions.
Keep a condom in your purse.
Know how to say no if you mean it, and stop if you want to.
Take your birth control regularly.
Know that abstinence is the only real protection.
Find other things that make you feel fulfilled.
Never forget that it's your body, your decision, and your right to choose who you are today,
tomorrow, and next month (even if those aren't the same person)
and please, please... retain a bit of your embarassment (it means you aren't totally comfortable). Here's a snippet from today's class (in addition to the quote in the title):
teacher (not me): So how exactly do you get pregnant?
*giggles all around*
student 1: sex
student 2: UNPROTECTED sex
student 3: Aw no. I can't tell him THAT. Aw, no. Not with Ms. K. around. Shut your ears. Cover your ears, Ms. K. Aw, no!
I don't mean to offend any of my more... conservative... readers. We already know I am, well, not, so we know we'll disagree. Let's get over it.
I find the whole idea of teaching students who are knee deep in the trenches of sex that abstinence is the only answer to be absurd. I wholeheartedly agree that my students should understand that implications of sex. I think they should know that the consequences of sex will obscure their dreams, stymie their ambitions, and obfuscate their hopes of being an NBA star, an MLB player, or Chris Brown's wife. I think they should know that syphilis, AIDS, and gonorrhea will make their lives a living hell. I think they should know what my infinitely wise doctor sister once said: "there are some really pretty boys with herpes...". I think they should understand what pregnancy really means. I think they should be educated about the social, emotional, and metal pressures and consequences of sex. I think they should know the meaning of the words penis, vagina, ejaculate, sex, condom, and orgasm and be able to say them all with a straight face. I think they should not have sex.
But they do.
And they will.
And I think it is our job as educators to EDUCATE.
Not only to educate about what we believe to be the best choice, or the morally correct choice, but to educate about all the choices. If we are saying (as we do every day) "you are old enough to do this" and "you are at the point where you need to start being responsible for your decisions", then we need to admit that
a) my 6th grade students are at the place in their lives where they have been, are, or will soon be faced with the pressure to have, discuss, and think about sex.
b) if we don't give them the information they need, they WILL get it from somewhere and someone else (and you probably don't want to know the details of that!)
I believe that it is our obligation to give our children the information they need to make informed and responsible decisions. It is important that we are honest with ourselves about the situations they face and the fact that they need to be able to make the best decision for the situation that they are in. If my students are going to have sex (and they probably will, within the next few years), then I want them to know that although it may not be the best choice they may ever make, that they can make it safely.
So...
Bring on our bodies ourselves.
Talk openly about your feelings and your needs.
Think about the implication of your decisions.
Keep a condom in your purse.
Know how to say no if you mean it, and stop if you want to.
Take your birth control regularly.
Know that abstinence is the only real protection.
Find other things that make you feel fulfilled.
Never forget that it's your body, your decision, and your right to choose who you are today,
tomorrow, and next month (even if those aren't the same person)
and please, please... retain a bit of your embarassment (it means you aren't totally comfortable). Here's a snippet from today's class (in addition to the quote in the title):
teacher (not me): So how exactly do you get pregnant?
*giggles all around*
student 1: sex
student 2: UNPROTECTED sex
student 3: Aw no. I can't tell him THAT. Aw, no. Not with Ms. K. around. Shut your ears. Cover your ears, Ms. K. Aw, no!
Thursday, November 8, 2007
yo habla espanol
Please explain to me why one of my students' science papers had one (correct) answer written neatly among the others.... in perfect Spanish.
He doesn't speak Spanish.
And yet there it was--
translation: a physical property is something that can be observed without changing the object, like color, size, and shape.
weird.
He doesn't speak Spanish.
And yet there it was--
translation: a physical property is something that can be observed without changing the object, like color, size, and shape.
weird.
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