I wanna teach

I wanna breathe teaching and talk teaching and love teaching, and I do-- in my soul and my heart of hearts, but I don't.

Today was actually a welcome relief-- four of my boys gone, and a calm and productive day. I felt like we communicated, like we learned. The problem is it feels like this is a change when it should be the norm.

I don't mean to complain. I have always been a dreamer, idealistic, and it has always been a challenge for me to reconcile my dreaming nature to the reality that is the world around us-- how much do you compromise, what do you hold tight to (even when you know it is false) because you like the comfort of the feeling, and because you truly believe that the world will follow if it only knows the beauty you know.

I remember reading the Pedagogy of the Opressed (Freire) for the first time in college, and being enchanted by the language of teacher-learner and learner-teacher, the idea that the roles of teacher and learner are only temporary, rotating titles.

I feel... blue. Winter blue. Disillusioned blue. That blue that the ocean takes on just before the storm. (or is it just after)

Just make the tests come. Then maybe GWB will stop whispering sweet nothings into my ear while I try to sleep.